“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (NIV Ge 2:18). I want you to keep this verse in mind for many reasons. In this section, I want you to think of it like God is the one who blessed us with her. In other words, she is from God.
“But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man (Treat her as your own flesh), and he brought her to the man (GOD brought her to him/you).
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (NIV Ge 2:20-24). Becoming one flesh is not something that instantly happens, as we see from the word “become.” This word implies a process of something, or that the concept of being one flesh takes time. One would naturally think that to become one flesh would most likely involve time, patience, good and bad times, etc. Psychologically speaking, there are five things one should keep in mind while seeking a mate. I’ll explain one of those right now, just to elaborate a bit on “good and bad times.”
The aspect of one’s social life comes to mind. It is really quite simple: The idea is that when a person has a mate in mind, he or she is advised to consider how the other person will fit into their life socially. It would seem right to ask oneself a few questions in order to understand the logic of this madness. “Since I am an extrovert (for example), am I ok with my girlfriend being an introvert?” In other words, will I be ok with her desire to be at home all the time, when I am out living it up with my buddies, and on the other hand, will she be ok with the same thing? The thing is there is no wrong answer. It is all decided by the couple and the individual. So, to become one, a person would have to go through the process of understanding whether or not he or she is comfortable with the love interest’s position in a social setting. Sometimes going through these processes can seem good or bad or both.
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (NIV 1 Co 7:3-5).
· “The words “kata gnōsin” translated “considerate” (more lit., “according to knowledge” or “with understanding”) points out that husbands should understand and be considerate of their wives’ spiritual, emotional, and physical needs.
Eph 5:22-33 = husbands responsibility to protect and care for his wife. “Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (NIV Eph 5:25-27). Peter further elaborates on treatment of a spouse: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers" (NIV 1 Pet. 3:7).
· With this combination of scripture passages, it is clear about how a married man is to treat his wife. Now the question becomes, how are we supposed to treat girls that are not our wives, or how are we supposed to treat girls if we are single?
How to Treat Young women in the Body of Christ:
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (NIV 1 Ti 5:1-2).
Paul adds a caution about the younger women, where the maintenance of purity in relationships is essential.
What does this mean to treat them like sisters? In what manner? How does a man treat his sister? How have you treated your sisters in the past? As a kid?
The maintenance of purity in a relationship is essential! The members of the body of Christ, your sisters for example, are to be treated like sisters if they are a young girl, and if they are an older member of the church in the body of Christ, they are to be treated like mothers… what is the underlying attitudes here towards woman? Respect. The idea here is, the epitome of the way we, as Christian men, should treat the opposite sex is in a gentleman’s fashion. That is to say that we as men treat them with full respect and complete consideration.
“Do not move your neighbor’s boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the inheritance you receive in the land the Lord your God is giving you to possess” (Deut 19:14). What does it mean to have boundaries? Respect is something that comes to mind. So then the question becomes, “how do we explain this respect?” It seems to make sense in the minds of several different men that there are two types of women (as viewed through their eyes) concerning respect: Those women that are easily respected and those that are easily disrespected. This “lady”, for example, may be both respected and disrespected by two different men. What I am saying is that one man might respect a certain lady, while another man might not have respect for the same lady.
A woman you do not respect is the easy part to figure out. She wears very little, while what she does wear, it is skin tight—practically painted on her; she has promiscuous tendencies and a behavior that resembles a child’s. On the other hand, the woman you do respect might not catch your eye at first, or if she did, you might not think of her like that. You might not see her through lenses of lust. You may however, think of her as someone who is out of your league, because she is nothing like the other girls that you are attracted to. She is a dedicated, innocent (in its true meaning), loyal, interesting, intelligent, hard working person that people look up to, and have reason to do so. This is the woman that you would probably find it easy to respect. If she is easy to respect, it will be easier to draw these boundaries.
Why are these boundaries important? Aside from the verse mentioned above that shows how we are to treat younger women with absolute purity, what is another reason, or further elaboration, that explains why boundaries are healthy not only mentally, but spiritually as well? “Men move boundary stones; they pasture flocks they have stolen” (NIV Job 24:2). It seems that the key word here is “stolen.” In other words, it is obvious that we are to leave the boundaries where they exist. You definitely know when you are in your neighbor’s yard, you can see your neighbor’s yard, there is nothing stopping you from entering your neighbor’s yard (even fences don’t stop neighbors), but you definitely know that their yard is not yours. You may not know exactly where the boundary line is per se, but you definitely know when you crossed it (Cloud).
How do we stop ourselves from pushing the boundary stone? We have already seen the allusion that answers this question above: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (NIV Matthew 22:39: see also Matthew 7:12). Does the man who moves the boundary stone to pasture stolen flocks love his neighbor? He definitely does not. Respect her and love her.
Written by Nace Howell through the grace of the Lord Jesus
Cloud, Henry. Boundaries in Dating: making dating work. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Zondervan: Grand Rapids, 2000).