I want to be alone because I’m selfish and I want to be with someone because I’m selfish!
Do you think you are gifted with celibacy?
“Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (NIV 1 Cor. 7:1-7).
Should I date my best friend?
What does the Bible say about this?
What are some good things about your friends, male or female? Communication, good times, fun, easy to be around, low maintenance…
· What about chemistry? Physical attraction is obviously necessary, but where do you draw the line?
· Would you ever choose a woman who ignores your needs? Is deceptive, critical or controlling?
Do opposites attract?
Ruth: the only Biblical account that comes to mind where there is any mention of a friendship (of any sort) before marriage (see the book of Ruth).
Five aspects that should be thought about when seeking a mate:
· Spiritual: for example, is it ok that she practices Islam, and you are Christian? Aside from the obvious differences of 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (NIV 2 Co 6:14), in other words, you just shouldn’t date someone who is not a Christian, you have to think of the situation. Read 1 Kings 11:1-6. Solomon’s heart turned from the Lord because his wives’ influence.
· Social: we discussed this one in an earlier blog: Proper Treatment of a Suitable Helper (intended for male readers).
· Intellectual: Is she smarter than you and are you ok with that? Or, on the other side, is she really dumb? Can you see working through financial problems with her in your life? What if your child breaks his arm, would you be ok with her knowing how to fix the situation without your help, or again, would you be ok with her not knowing anything?
· Emotional: personally, I find this one most important psychologically speaking. We know that problems will come up in marriage and we have already discovered that the only goal of dating should be marriage. So then, the question becomes, will I be able to handle how she reacts to these problems in the relationship. In other words, will she handle things ok? Will she stress me out of my mind? Does she make HUGE deals out of things you wouldn’t blink an eye at? Is she making you lose your mind?
· Physical: The dessert. This should be saved for last in discovering these five aspects, not that the first four have any order, but this one definitely needs to be last. Think about it. We all know that most of us don’t have the gift of celibacy. Because of this, we know that in time, the pressure gets higher. The problem with having sex before you discover the first four aspects of compatibility, as we’ll call it, is that sex causes a physical/natural/emotional tie to the other person. “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh” (NIV 1 Co 6:15-16). In any event, sex will blind a person from the other aspects of compatibility, because of this physical/emotional tie. Why do you think it is good to consummate the marriage? YOU STRENGTHEN THE BOND.
Written by Nace Howell through the grace of the Lord Jesus
The Holy Bible: New International Version, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996, c1984).